Separation & Divorce – Rebuilding Our Lives
Life happens. Grace moves us forward. And there is a lot to learn along the way. If we live long enough all of us know the need to begin again in some area of our life. Which is why divorce is not the end of a person’s ability to build a renewed life. As we trust in God’s capacity for re-creation we can go forward from where we are.
As I listen to Scripture, learn from the anguish of couples separated, and individuals struggling to rebuild their lives after divorce – I see the truth of God’s Word paving the pathway forward. Divorce is the death to a dream, a relationship, and the bloody pain ripples out to touch many lives. All of which can NOT be healed by simply saying, “O well or o _ell.” But it can be made well by allowing the God of heaven to lift one from the sense of being in a hell on earth.
Here is how:
- WORK with all of God’s resources to grow the marriage, and allow a new love to be born if the first love died. Make sure you have given it every effort on your part.
- IF divorce is the last & only recourse, then FORGIVE – your spouse and yourself. Healthy goodbyes make for healthy hellos. Jesus’ clarity to “pray for your ‘enemy’ and forgive those offend you” applies to divorced couples. Especially! Do it. There is no such thing as a “no fault” divorce. Confess your faults. Repent which means to turn your life in the right direction by way of God’s power and truth.
- LEARN everything there is to learn from YOUR PART in the divorce. Even if you think it was 80% his/her fault. Be specific in how you contributed 20%. You may discover that your % was larger but more importantly you will become wiser in living the rest of your life.
- LISTEN to God’s “still small voice” to quiet the raging scream inside you. Lean into God’s resurrection power. The Lord of new beginnings has a new beginning for you.
- WAIT. DO not begin another romantic relationship for 6 months to 2 years. You need time to heal, learn, and grow. Don’t short circuit your future by impatiently wanting to heal your life through the touch of a new love upon your heart. In new ways entrust your heart to God. You will love again. That new loving may or may not include marrying again. You need time to figure it out. Through solitude, prayer, and good friendships you will build new circuits in your heart about future romantic love.